Matthew came home from school today and said, "Hey mom, today the teacher asked a question and I was the only one who could answer it." Angie said, "That's great, Matthew, what was the question?" Matthew said, "The teacher asked 'Who farted'!" You really have to know the boy. He has a spectacular sense of humor, in my opinion.
I recently learned why some credit card companies give frequent flier miles as their incentives. It's because when you finally run your debt to a number that you can't possibly repay, you can at least flee the country.
Angie and I recently paid off our dollege loans. Now, these are the people we should send after Osama Bin Laden. They followed us for 15 years, we hid in caves, played dead, all that stuff and they found us. Hell, we didn't need the repayment plan, we needed the college loan relocation plan. I remember one time when they called, we were still living in Abilene, and the lady asked, "When are you going to make your next payment?" And I said, "Just as soon as I figure out how to use everything I learned in college to make money, but nobody seems to need someone that can drink beer through a funnel at the moment!"
Ever wake up from a one night stand and write a letter to Budweiser asking for an apology?
I went out with a friend of mine that is into ugly girls. I told him, "I just don't like ugly women." One walked by, and he asked, "You mean to tell me that you wouldn't hit that?" I said,"Looks like she's been hit enough to me."
Recently, there was an Atheist Parade in NYC. How the hell do you march for something you don't believe in?
Women have annoying habit of comparing themselves to supermodels, finding out that they just don't stack up and getting upset. Now, ladies, we have a completely different approach to this same thing. Next time you feel less than adequate when comparing yourself to a supermodel, just ask your guy about Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt and see if he says something to the effect of, "He's GAY!"
I am really into money at the moment, so indulge me for a minute. Hell, you've read this far, might as well finish it off.
I want to be so rich that I can build Decatur out of NERF, drive around and crash into anything that I want to and just bounce off.
Hell, I want to be so rich that I can ride down main street on a Giraffe, wearing a Viking outfit, swinging a bag of gophers, yelling "Behead them all!"
Ever seen five pin bowling? I'm hooked. I've never watched professional athletes compete for less cash than I have in my pocket!~
Hey you've been great. Tip your waitress, they're all single mothers.
Jim
P.S. Tommorrow, or soon, I'll recap the old birthday weekend.
J
