It's on the WHAT?!?!

So, you know how sometimes you go into a convenience store in the metroplex, and sometimes the person that works there isn't from Texas, or the U.S., or the western fucking hemisphere. You know, open-toed sandals and really bad breath, not to mention a forehead dot scattered about here and there. Sometimes, not always, but often, they can be verrrry hard to understand. Ok, everybody on the same page. I don't dislike them, I don't think they are all over here on Jihad, hell, what opportunities are there where they are from. We even have one fella that we always tell, "Muhammed, if you wore a turban nobody could tell you apart from Osama Bin Laden.", or the always popular, "Mo, bring your Osama lookin' ass out here and take our order." To which we always recieve a hearty, "Fuck you, my friend!" We really are friendly with the guy, and he is nice, those are just the openers, otherwise I would never eat a hamburger from his joint, too risky.

Sorry about that, on to the story. We were in Denton the other day, when Angie said, "Sounds like Brayden is ready to eat, can you stop and warm him up a bottle while I feed him his banana yogurt?" To which I reply, "No problem" So I venture into this little store off of I-35E over by home depot. When I go in the place, I asked, "Can I use your microwave to warm up my baby's bottle?" "Sure." he says. Ok, I got that one, no problem. So I start looking around for the microwave when he says from behind me, "It's on the pisser." What the hell did he just say? So I turn around and looked at him, and as serious as he could be he pointed and said "It's on the pisser." Huh? OK, so as I am about to go into the bathroom, to see if this is true, then leave to go find some other means of warming up the bottle, I notice that the PIZZA is right next to the door to the Pisser! Guess what, there was a nice, CLEAN microwave sitting on top of the Pizza! WHEW, I thought I was going to have to hold the bottle in front of the exhaust pipe on the truck to warm it up, because there is no way in hell that I would have used a micro in the pisser. I warmed up the bottle, and on my way out I said, "Thank you" to which he replied, "No problem, my friend." Then he was back on the phone, in Aribic, to Jihadland, planning God knows what. But, I had a warm bottle, a happy baby and wife, and no worries.

See ya then,

Jim

Rockstar

Ok, I was wrong, and I can admit it. Just happen to be a big enough man to do so. Coaching basketball ROCKS!!!!! When you have a team of first and second grade boys, who can barely dribble, are horrible at layups, don't understand defense at all, and have no concept of what a jumpshot actually is when they get to practice, but they do when they leave, it's really cool. Not to mention, if you happen to knock down 5 twenty foot jumpshots in a row, while they are watching, they think you are Michael Jordan, or maybe Kobe Bryant, maybe even LeBron James. Yeah, I can still play a little, there is just not as much jump in the shot. Dribble between your legs a couple of times during their drills, and they stop to watch. Wow!!! I'm gonna love this, not only do they watch, they start to stay in their lines and listen to what you have to say.

At the beginning of practice, only one boy could make a layup. By the end, they all could. I would have never believed that they could pick up things so quickly and easily. I think we are going to have a fair team. I don't expect too much, but it could happen. Dribbling is still a challenge, and probably will remain so, but a few get it, especially those with an older brother. I just had to get them out of wanting to shoot the ball from a long distance. After about 5 minutes of total airballs and bricks, I reminded them that they were in the 1st and 2nd grade, not professionals. I said, "OK, everybody line up at the freethrow line, single file. NOW, everybody gets one shot, however you want to do it, but you can't pass the line." When everyone was done, and nobody made it, I said "OK, now everybody move up here, about 5 feet from the basket. Does anybody know why I want you to shoot from here and not there?" Plenty of answers, but none were right. So I told them, "Everybody shoot from here and then I'll tell you why." 5 out of 6 made it, still don't know why Matthew missed, but nevermind that, I'm sure he has an explanation. Then I asked, "Does anybody know how many shots we made from here?" 4 or 5 was the concensus. I said, "5 out of 6 is right, does anybody remember how many we made from the freethrow line?" 0, you damn right 0, they are 7 and 8 years old, that's quite a chunk for that age, and the accuracy goes way down. So I said, "Yes zero is right, so where do you think I want us to shoot the ball from?" Up close they said. I said, "Yep, up close, because we can make those shots, which puts points on the scoreboard, which helps us to try to win the game. There are no three pointers in this league, so why not try to get the easiest shot possible. So if we can't get a layup, we will shoot the ball from up close, got it?" And they GOT IT!!! No more bricks from long distance, they just did what they were asked to do, and did it better and better all the time! WOW, I can't explain it, but they got it, and that's all that matters to me.

They don't know that I don't have a damn clue what I am doing as the head coach, so as I figure it out, I'll pass it on to them as something they now need to know. I do have an assistant now, and he is awesome too. His son is BY FAR the smallest boy on the team, but he has two older brothers and can dribble very well, but doesn't shoot too good. I think he is afraid on of them is coming to block it or something. That's ok though, we can work through that.

We are naming our team next practice. We have two name choices selected by the boys. The Hurricanes, or the Longhorns. What do you think would be my choice? Yeah, GO LONGHORNS!!! What is your choice? I bet the coach has a say, or at least a vote in this decision.

Well, that's all for now.

See ya then,

Jim