By the way..........

I guess the joke was on me, she bought the damn thing!

Thought this would amuse you

Angie is having one hell of a time getting the Kirby salesman out of the house. She has turned him down about 4 times already. But, if you let them in the door, you deserve everything you get. I'm in the bedroom watching the Packers and Giants, but I left the door open so I can hear all the bullshit, but I'm thankfully far enough away that I can't smell it. I don't know how many times the guy told her it wasn't her fault that her house was so dirty. HA

Jim

Things Remembered

We have lost some very important people, especially in the last year, but this isn't just about this past year. I have just started to, or just learned how to put these things into perspective. I have no idea if this will help anyone deal with anything, except for me, but here goes.

This is dedicated to those who were close to, or knew, Papa, Pop, Karen, or Bob Wheeler. Bob was my best friend's father.

They haven't really left for good. They've just gone on ahead a little. One thing that they taught us by example is that you get up and put your clothes on and you do your thing, until you don't get up anymore.

I guess what I am trying to say is that they aren't really gone if they never leave our hearts and our thoughts. They are just ahead, waiting on us.

Maybe we don't always succeed, but we, at least the ones I know, are pretty good at grinding it out.

I won't lie to you. I don't understand why GOD took them from us, but if the fact that GOD sent them here to be among us, no matter for how long, doesn't point toward a loving GOD, then I can't help you.

Jim

WOW

This is a story from the newspaper in Knox City that Granny cut out and mailed to me when I was in college. It was a riot then and it is a riot now. All credit goes to David Epley (F'n moron alcoholic that he was/is). Here goes. I will copy it exactly. Capitolization, punctuaction, spacing, grammar and all.

It has been a quiet dry week. Thank goodness. We sure did need that and alot more of it. Well, we had a big gold rush out here. Me and Whimpy was down on Butches place on the banks of the Brazos. Looking at red Bluff. We was looking through the rifle scope and we spotted a hole that we had never seen before. So a couple of weekends ago we all went down and found it with Bills spoting scope. And last week me and Frankie, Bill,Jack, Danny, Matt, Doyle, Judy went to check it out. Everybody waded the river except me, Jack, Doyle, & Judy. It must have been cold because they sure hollered when they got in. I told them it was kneecap deep but it was hip deep. But they finally made it to the hole with the help of walkie-talkies. All that they found was was writing on the wall. It said R. Speck, R. Hollingsworth, and there was a gold Coor's can dated 1974. so at least they seen some gold. And so much for the gold rush.

Estell is wanting to ride a space shuttle to get away from here. So i guess i will call Nasa and try to get her a ticket.

We caught a big 300 pound hog down on the river.

And to politics. I am glad Mrs. Hallaburton knows how roads are suppose to be like. They haven't been building roads. The have been building water ways for the last 12 years. So if i get elected you can't fix in one year what it took 12 to ruin. It is kind of like the president. I would vote for a blue ape if he was a democrat. I guess i lost some votes there but thats the way it is.

Oh yeah, Frankie has her a pop bellyed pig. So now I have to live with 2 dogs and a hog and Frankie and they are all house broke.

And i hope to have good news for the farmers next week. If it all works out we could raise two crops. I will tell you about that next week.

And i seen Teddie Sue and her eyes are still blue and prettier than ever. Hoot Holmes had a new edition, a boy it sure is cute. And Claude Baker has a new grandaughter but i haven't seen it yet. But sure it is cute. This is a picture of Hoots baby scratching his head wondering if his Dad is going to get a peanut contract this year.

Hope something exciting happenes next weel

See ya next week.

David.

P.S. There was no picture in the paper of Hoot's baby.

Jim

Putting things to rest.

Yeah, it's been a little while. I have had things come up, I guess I should say that we have had things come up. I am still working on my writings about Papa. I have been uncomfortable putting them up here because of my Pop. If you don't understand, I don't care, sorry.

Angie has been going through some things that we still haven't worked out. She should be fine, but I am a worry wart. We are in the process of getting one house sold and another bought. We are packing. Doctor visits. I am working too many hours. Whatever.

Funny thing though, I read through my notes about Papa the other day. Guess what I never mentioned. Hunting! It's the one thing that we did every, single day, and I completely skipped it. WOW! More stories lept into my head. I haven't written any of them down, but they will come when I want them to.

So, look foreward to more posts soon.

Jim

P.S. There is something that I read recently about alternative fuels that I will copy, or partially copy here soon. It is very interesting, at least I thought so. Corn is NOT the answer. If we turn all of the corn fields currently in production in America into fuel, it would only replace 12% of our gas usage. 12% does not get us out of dependancy of foriegn oil. In addition, if we turn all of our current soy bean crops to the production of bio-diesel, that will only replace 6% of our current diesel use. Fascinating stuff, it was in National Geographic, October issue, I think.

Anyway, that will be my next post.

Jim

Sorry for the wait. How about a Papa story or two.

When Papa and Granny lived in the country outside of Camp Wood. Steph, Bill, Bobby and myself would stay with them alot, sans parental supervision. If you ever wanted to have a good time, all you needed to do was get to Granny and Papa's house, parents or no parents, it was a blast.

I have more of these than I can possibly type before my fingers fall off, but I will get started.

We had 2 go carts and a 3 wheeler at Camp Wood. Well, where to begin, oh yeah, I know. One time, Bill and I were riding. He was on the 3 wheeler and I was on the big go cart, when we spotted a jack rabbit. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. We started chasing him on our machines. I would chase him, then Bill would cut him off from crossing the barbed wire fence, and chase him the other way. Well, I would loop around and stop him and chase him the other way, and so on. We chased him over small mesquite trees, cactus, briars, stumps, rocks, and so on and so forth. I don't remember how long we chased the rabbit before one miscue or another let him cross the barbed wire fence to get away. It seemed like hours, probably minutes, but it felt like forever. Anyway, the poor rabbit died, according to Papa. Later, I learned, Papa had to fix flats on 6 of the 7 tires between the two machines, after we left. Still, he always laughed about the way we chased that damn rabbit. I didn't know we were being watched. I don't know if Bill knew or not, but I was so caught up in the moment that I had no idea. I think there is a picture of Bill and I holding the rabbit. It used to be bronze on the wall, in the hall of Granny's trailer. Bill and I were in overalls with no shirts, Bobby is in the pic as well.

We hunted squirrels in the front of the house, in our underwear. Granny would spot one and we would run out with our .22's, no matter how we were dressed. The trees were huge, and we didn't want them to get away. In reality, we just wanted to kill one, I don't think we ever did.

Speaking of the huge trees. Anyone who was ever there has to remember the rope swing. You would climb up a 16' deer stand with the rope in one hand, or your mouth, and off you would go. You almost hit the tree on the other side every time, but as hard as I tried, I never could grab it. I could touch it, but not get a grip. Can you imagine driving up to your parents house and seeing your kids jumping off of a 16' platform holding on to a rope. I wish. I know what they are missing. Wow, what a rush! I bet you would swing 50 or 60 feet before coming back the other way. Then you had to drop off of it, swing the hell out of the rope, to get it to the next person on the stand, then climb back up and start over. I miss things like that.

We jumped on the trampoline, in weather ranging from 110 to 20 and snowing. No shoes. Break the egg, football, tag, you name it, we played it. My trampoline at home was never as fun, of course, there were never 4 people on it at once either.

You had to use the trampoline to get on Bully's back for a ride. Bully was Papa and Granny's pet, well, BULL. Tame as hell, but really didn't like to be ridden. Sure, he would let you on, but then it was like he thought, "Shit, how did I get suckered into this again." Off you would go, unless you happened to get the halter on him before you got on, but then, what fun would that be?

Was the pet deer named "Bambi"? It seems like she was, but I don't remember. I know Papa rescued her from a swollen river when she was a little baby. She never left, they bottle fed her, put a cow bell on her neck, and treated her like a daughter. She was always there. When they moved, they left her with neighbors, AND, went back to visit Bambi!

I remember the 3 wheeler getting driven halfway up a tree, but I thing Bobby, Allen, or John Michael did that. Bobby ran over my leg in the go cart. When you got out, you had to hold the brake for the next person to get in, or it would leave you standing there with a stupid look on your face as it motored off. Well, I got out and when Bobby got in, he "accidentaly" hit the gas, full out, as he slid into the seat. The back tire climbed my leg, knocked me down, continued to roll up my leg, and then the idiot stopped. He looked at me, with the go cart parked on me, and asked "Are you OK?" I can't print the answer he got, sufice it to say, I answered in the negative. So he drove off. Ass!

That's enough for now, I have to put the kiddos in bed.

Hope this was entertaining, maybe brought back a few memories.

J

Matthew and the Origins of Rap Music!

Yeah, I think I have figured both of them out, but you have to get through a few jokes and a very serious statement first.

Statement: They say all child molesters and rapists were abused as children. I say, once you convict them, execute the mother and father too. How about we start using the "Electric Couch!" That would damn sure get my vote!

OK, now the jokes.

I woke up the other night, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other. Hell, I damn near ran off the road! That stuff WILL kill you!

Seriously, though, I do want to teach you the proper way to fart in bed. This one is all me, so pay attention. First, you take your arms out from under the covers, hold the sheets and blankets as tight as you can around your neck and shoulders, like when you immitate a chicken. Hands at your throat and your elbows out. FART. Then, raise up one foot and let it fall back to the bed. All the air rushes out from under the covers on your wife/husband's side. This achieves the maximum effect. Repeat for fun! Public Service Announcement over.

When Angie and I first got married, we had a rabbit. It was free. One day, the rabbit got sick. Angie said we should take it to the vet. I said, "Are you kidding me, take a free rabbit to the vet, no damn way!" So, later at the vet, we found out that the rabbit was in a coma. I said, "Hell, pull the plug now, I see 4 potential 'Lucky Feet' in there."

If you pull a sheet of toilet paper off the roll to blow your nose, does that sheet consider itself 'lucky'?

Do you think recycled toilet paper says, "I don't think I can go through this shit again!"?

True story. There was a straight man who killed a homosexual man for making a pass at him. He used the 'Unwanted Homosexual Advance' defence at his trial. He now is in prison learning what a true unwanted homosexual advance is.

Angie is a woman who can kick some ass. When we leave someplace and she says, "I'm cold." I don't give her my coat, hell no, I say, "If you're cold, go take her coat."

OK, on to Matthew and the Origins of Rap Music.

Let's do the Rap first.

You remember when we were kids and you could cut a record off the back of a cereal box. If you actually put it on the record player, it sounded like you were playing music off of a paper plate, which you were. Skips, missed and garbled words, funky beat. That is where Rap came from. All those poor kids and their cereal jams.

I love the fact that Matthew eats some of the same cereals that I did growing up, but it took me 15 years to learn that Fruity Pebbles was just colored sugar. Now, they have frosted Fruity Pebbles. Jesus, sugar coated sugar, that has to be a 6 day buzz in and of itself. We can never feed him this. If we did, we would find him, buck naked, hanging from a tree in Brazil, no idea how he got there, chewing on coffee beans, just to keep the buzz going. The sad part of this joke is, if you know Matthew, it's all too possible.

J